beabadoobee “If You Want To” Official Lyrics & Meaning | Verified

People have kind of the perception that it’s
a love song, but it’s not. It’s literally just how I can’t sleep at night. And also sleep paralysis is terrifying, is
terrifying. And at times you get it you’d feel like
you’re stuck in it and you can’t really escape. I wrote the song in my house, so I wrote the
lyrics. Yeah, I stayed up, well, I mean, the song
is about not being able to sleep, so I mean, I wrote it when I couldn’t sleep, and took
it to the studio, and I recorded it. People tend to not like belittle but patronize,
me with the kind of, “Oh you can’t sleep? Just close your eyes and sleep.” Yeah. Yeah. As if it was that easy. But it’s kind of just saying, yeah, try, see
what it’s like up there if you want to try and fight me. You’re awake when you sleep and you’re kind
of stuck and you can’t move and you can’t breathe. And it’s terrifying. This is is gross and super scary, but in my
dream a really scary guy pushed me in a van and he was just on top of me, pinning me down. And I couldn’t move and I was screaming and
sweating and sobbing and I couldn’t move and I couldn’t breathe and I woke up and was (gasping). It was so scary. I hate sleep paralysis. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a really long
time now. He thought it was a bit strange. He’d be sleeping and I’d just be staring at
the wall like, “What am I doing? I have nothing.” And he’d be like, “Why aren’t you sleeping?” I don’t know I’ll just probably play some
games on my phone until I fall asleep. It’s either that or I sleep really short and
I wake up at 4:00 AM and then just stare at the wall and I’m just really bored. That happened last night again. He was like, “I need to sleep.” I’m like, “No! Come on, let’s have a conversation.” At like 4 AM. But yeah, I guess I need to work on that. Bed bugs kind of symbolize every thought that
kind of just annoys the crap out of me in my brain. I’m just like, “Please just go away.” I want to kill my sleep paralysis. I wish sleeping wasn’t a thing. I mean I do like sleeping when it works out
for me. It’s just kind of reiterating the fact that
it’s there for the rest of my life. I don’t have sleep paralysis a lot, but it
comes and goes. It’s just still there and I just want it to
fuck off. Probably the reason why people think it’s
a love song is because in the song I talk about how I want my boyfriend to kind of,
you know, stay in bed with me because he’s kind of the only way I can sleep calmly. I’m thinking I want to get a dog or something. Maybe that would work. “If you want to” is just a thing that I always
say, because I’m such a pushover, but at the same time. I might want it to go my way. So it’s like, “Oh, can you please get me that
orange juice? Only if you want to. But if you want to, but I really want that
orange juice, only if you want to though.” I used to dream a lot as a kid. But then when I started getting all this anxiety
problems, I couldn’t sleep, which meant I didn’t dream as much. And I had the sickest dreams. I had the wildest dreams. And now I don’t dream as much, which kind
of sucks. It’s always really important to take time
off just to focus on myself. I’ve always struggled with mental health. It’s just been this thing that’s just been
bothering me for a really long time. My sleeping problems added to all of this
unhealthiness with myself, and anxiety, and paranoia, and being depressed, and all that
crap. But I’ve been meditating and just focusing
on myself. And just hanging out with the people you love
and telling people when you are sad helps so much. It helps so much. And I never used to do that, but now I do. I live right next to a park, I don’t even
need an alarm clock because I get woken up by birds, and I’m like, “Okay, crap.” I literally just stayed up the whole night. When I hear the birds tweeting, I’m like,
“Right, well now it’s school, so…”

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100 thoughts on “beabadoobee “If You Want To” Official Lyrics & Meaning | Verified

  1. I relate to this so so much, nobody realises just how bad sleep paralysis is and for me there is nothing that I can do about it it sucks so bad

  2. I don't know if anyone has said this but she lowkey to me looks like felix from StrayKids. Don't know if anyone else feels that but its also the aussie thing.

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