Bed Buds


(tranquil music) (birds chirping) – Bro, you awake? – What time is it? – I don’t know. I need an Advil. – You pick up last night? – Obviously not bro,
I’m in bed with you. – That’s true. – Actually now that
you mention it, there was some broad that
came up to me in the club. – Yeah? – She wanted me to
meet her friend. – And? – And it turns out, her
friend was a fuckin’ guy. Bro, he was like
twice the size of me. – That’s fuckin’ weird. – Yeah, I was like,
“What the fuck, man?” “I don’t wanna meet your big,
juiced-out fuckin’ friend.” Does it look like
I’m into that shit? I was gonna knock
his fuckin’ teeth in. – What happened, what’d you do? – Dude bought me
like six drinks. Turns out he owns
his own hair salon. So he can get me like
free product and shit. Yeah. He’s a real
fuckin’ nice guy. – That’s fuckin’ sweet, bud. – Yeah. Hey, bro, you know
you’re on my side, right? – What? – You’re sleeping on
my side of the bed. I usually sleep there. – It’s the morning.
I’m not moving. – Come on bro, it’s
fuckin’… it’s my bed, like, just switch with me, this
feels weird. Come on. – That’s fuckin’ ridiculous. – Come on bro,
let’s just switch. – Okay. – Watch my cock, bro. Oh, watch my cock, bro. Fuck. – Actually, I was talking to
a broad last night at the bar. – Oh yeah? – She was fuckin’ hot too. I walked right up to her,
she looked down and said, “Your pants are too tight.” – What? – Yeah. I told her, this is the
fuckin’ style. It’s fashion. – Exactly. My mom said the exact same
shit to me the other week. – I bought those pants
at Zara, alright? The guy who worked there,
he looks me right in the eye when I had them on and
said, “I’d fuck you.” I’m not paraphrasing,
he told me that. He’s a trained
fashion consultant. So I’m pretty sure that
he knows this shit. – Yeah. You know what the
problem is though, bro, you gotta be like at
least below 10% body fat to dress the way we dress. – 10%? What are
you, Mr. Olympus? – Oh, what are you saying, I’m
not below 10% body fat, bro? Bro, feel my stomach. Go. – Alright. – Get the fuck outta here. You’re pushin’ 13-14%. – Oh yeah yeah yeah,
let’s feel yours. (laughs) I’m fuckin’ way more
ripped than you. Get the fuck outta here. – Hey, you know I’m
ticklish. Back the fuck up. – Speaking of being ripped, bro, I was at the gym
the other day… Who was that weird guy, he’s always like really touchy
with us, what’s his name? – You’re thinking about the
guy with those monster traps. – No no, this guy’s got
like big, juiced-out glutes. – No no no no, this guy
has obliques like a statue. – No no no, he’s got like…
that’s his chest, man, it’s like fuckin’
huge and pops out, it’s like really
ripped down the side. – No no, you’re
talking about the guy with the hamstrings
like prosciutt. – Yeah yeah yeah yeah, him. – Yeah. – So I was at the gym, right? And the guy practically
begs to be my spotter. Begs. – He wanted to be your spotter? – Yeah. Yeah. So I’m
doing bench, right? And it’s like my
second or third set, and I feel what may
or may not have been his dick on slapping my
forehead while I’m doing bench. – His cock? – Yeah. – That’s fuckin’ weird. – Yeah. I was gonna
fuckin’ knock his head off. But then I realized it
might just be his iPod. So I kinda just kept
doing my workout. I finished the set, and like… – That’s right. Must’ve been his
iPod, not his dick. – Yeah. – Probably an iPod,
makes more sense. – Yeah. – What did it feel
like? What kind of iPod? Like a Classic, Shuffle… – What’s the one that’s
like, it’s thinner, and it’s more short than long? – The thin one, uh…
the small one’s the Nano. – Yeah yeah yeah, it
was definitely the Nano. It was definitely an iPod Nano. – That’s definitely the Nano. Those Nanos though,
they’re fuckin’ useless. Not like those Classics,
they’re thick, they’re heavy, they feel terrific in the palm. – Yeah yeah yeah,
definitely bro, go Classic or go home, right? – Fuckin’ right, bud. – Yeah. Hey do I got
morning breath, bro? – I didn’t smell
nothing. Come in closer. That’s fuckin’ bad, you
gotta brush those teeth. – Fuck. – Whatcha doin’ tonight? – I got no plans bro, you? – That Zac Efron movie came
out last week. Let’s go see it. – Who’s going? – I messaged Demarco
and Defrazzo but uh… They didn’t get back
to me, so, you and me. – Just me and you. – Yeah. – Like, just us two. – Yeah. – At the movies. – Yeah, why? – That’s fuckin’ gay, bro. – You want some breakfast? – I’m dyin’ for some
fuckin’ frittata, bro. – I’ll make the espresso. (techno music) ♪Hello ♪Hellooooo♪

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