Our D&D Crew Crashes a Pigeon Wedding | The Unsleeping City

(die rolls) – Welcome intrepid heroes. I bring tidings of a brand new
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bell for notifications. – Hey buddy can you keep to down? We’re trying to shoot something. – I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry everyone. You can go to Dimension 20 show and just click the bell
to get notifications. I get carried away. I’m sorry. Do you guys want to play D&D? – No.
– No, thanks. – I think I, I think I go to Pria’s house (laughs). – You swim through the dreaming of New York and you arrive right near Union Square. Sort of, you know, close to Stuy town and you see a gorgeous, opulent apartment. All done in this illuminated night time glass and you see that there is a little bubble. Something imperceptible, flashes of light and color and you get the sensation that Pria is dreaming in that room. – Cool. – I know I shouldn’t do this but I just go anyway. I try to look in at the dream. – You pop your head in and you see that there is a tea party on top of a clock in a strange dark forest and you see that Pria is
talking to a fractured man as she’s sitting at this little tea table. She looks gorgeous, by the way. You see that she looks up and says, well, the collection
didn’t meet my standards at least for myself and
I think that often times we find ourselves trying
to create a body of work, or find a theme or a central
thread through something, we end up elaborating on subconscious ideologies. Culture works on us in ways
that we can’t even quite estimate or imagine
from our conscious mind. And you see that she’s
just talking to this fractured man, this babble
of stuff about her art and what she’s working on. Go ahead and make a stealth check for me if you’d be so kind. (die rolls) (laughs) – Okay. (laughs) Let’s see, that’s 13. – She looks up. (laughs) And looks at you and she just says, Peter, what are you doing here? – What? – Peter, have you come back to help me? Well it all feels so strange. You lose your grip on the
outside dreaming world and are now just in this forest. The clock starts ticking underneath the tea table. You see that the fractured man gets up and takes a little top hat and cane and starts dancing very slowly. – I made a mistake. – [Man] Peter, my goodness. – How are you? – How am I? How am I? It’s so funny you ask that. I don’t think any of us
ever really knows how we are or if we do, it’s a
narrative we’re projecting. – I run. (laughs) I run through the forest. – You run through the
forest and you see that this slow dancing man starts dancing after you. – [Peter] Jesus Christ. (screams) – [Man] Cool. Make a, go ahead and make a
wild magic surge for me, if you’d be so kind. – Oh great. That’s just a D20? – [Man] D20, yeah. – Eight. – Eight, cool. You snap awake in the master bed not having blown up or anything but you are covered in a cold sweat. – I, I get up and I start doing some push ups on the ground. (laughs) – Wonderful. The next morning at Kingston’s apartment you guys begin to arrive
there the following morning. You see that there is a small chair on the second
landing of the building that has a little sign out. The sign says, gone to church, help yourself to a cinnamon bun and you see that there is
a big plate of fresh made cinnamon buns steaming as you guys arrive there on the landing. – I touch all of them, just looking through for the best one. (laughs) – Oh my god. – You gotta find the goopiest one. – No, no, no, just take the top one. (laughs) – I’ll take the one at
the bottom, it’s good. Jagged, pull it through. – I’d pick all of the rat hair off of it. – I come up just after that, oh cool. (laughs) – Just a full mound of rat hair. – [Man] You guys find yourself
in Kingston’s apartment. – What does Cut Grass, sorry, what does Cut Grass look like right now? – He looks great. I styled him this morning. – He looks like full chinchilla. He’s the poofiest rat. He’s almost spherical, he’s so poofy. – I act like nothing’s changed. What’s up guys, how’s
everybody doing this morning? – Cut Grass, darling, you look fabulous. – Honestly, Cut Grass, this is
my favorite look you’ve had. – Really? – Yeah, I think it’s the
second look you’ve had but I’m into it. – Oh, thank Sofie, it’s her work. – Oh I wasn’t going to take
credit but I yes I did do it. – [Man] Wow. – But you know, I had a good canvas to work with. – All right. – I do my dance again. (laughs) (chatter) – [Woman] What are you doing?
– That gets us free drinks. We get free drinks when
he does that at bars. – You look like a hairy baby. (laughs) – Yeah. (laughs) – So we talk to the fowl and– – Yeah, I was gonna say, does anyone know? So, Don Confetti, that pixie, his daughter is getting married to a pigeon. – Ronald Pigeon, good stock. Good pigeon family. – [Woman] Oh, yes I, I just RSVPed to the wedding last night. – Oh. – How many plus ones do you get?
– Yes, I love a wedding. – So we’re going with you.
– Oh I don’t know. – We’re going to the wedding? – You have plus five.
– [Man] I guess with, if Missy’s going–
– I don’t think I have a plus five.
– We’re all going, right? – That seems like an insane–
– I can just fit in your bag. Right? – I’m sure I could, I could be your stylist
or something like that. – I do need a stylist. – When is the wedding? – When is the wedding? – The wedding is tonight. – The wedding’s tonight. I RSVPed for a wedding that is tonight. (laughs) I am an asshole. – I have been getting hit up so much. Where is this wedding? – Oh, it’s in Central Park. It’s at the boat house. – Is it the boat house? – It’s actually in the ramble. – Oh right.
– Near Belvedere Cat but just right near.
– Oh beautiful. It’s such a ramble.
– Okay, I’ve been getting hit up non-stop by people who
want coke for this wedding. (laughs) So I was gonna be there already. – Not to slow it down but it’s, I mean, we’re just going to run up
in the pixie mafia’s wedding? Is that our plan? – I can probably talk to some pigeons and maybe get us invited by some lonely pigeons. If you’d like to be a date.
– That’s a good idea. – The plus ones have a bunch of pigeons. – Oh yeah, I’m not sure. – I wanna be a pigeon’s plus one. – I mean, I mean, hey, I will say the markings from the pixies is really the only thing we’ve
got to go on right now but running up in a mafia’s
wedding is not a good way to get answers, it’s a
good way to get hurt. It’s a good way to get
the kicked out of you, so. – I agree, I mean Don
Confetti is a sweetheart but he will kill you and all of your family. – But that’s why we just
go with the pigeons. – We’re just gonna go with the pigeons. We just get a pigeon date. I’m gonna go out and find some pigeons. See if there’s any
horny pigeons out there. (laughs) You know Cut, you’ve had crazy plans. Let’s do this. (laughs) – I have a spirit. I have my spirit totems. (laughs) As a circle of shepard and normally I think it’s
bear, hawk and unicorn but mine are juicy cockroach, spicy pigeon and unicorn. I would like to use a spicy pigeon aura and then just see if I
can find any pigeons. – Cool, you have to go over to the window of Kingston’s apartment. You guys see that Cut Grass
spreads his little rat arms and then you, before you hear anything, the street darkens and you see people go, get outta here and start
running on the street. (coos) – Are they coming into my house? (laughs) – Like a fucking fire hydrant. – No, no, crash. No! – I summon the spirit of a spicy pigeon. (coos) – [Man] Oh my god. – It says, come to me, my babies. – We say spicy. – I’m helping you shoo them off. – Yeah I got a broom and I’m like– – Hey, hey! – I’m in the bathroom
touching up my make up so I can be a pigeon plus one. – [Man] You hear a very gentle
knock on the bathroom door. (door creaks) You open the door. (wings flutter) (laughs) – Cut, what? – All right, is anyone here
from the pigeon family? Is anyone here related to Ronald Pigeon? (coos) Is anybody looking for a
date tonight to the wedding? – You see that a ton of
wings start going up. Actually, make a charisma check. Make a nature check for me. – Oh nature check, thank god. (laughs) – So my house is just covered in pigeons right now? – Covered in pigeons, everywhere. – I’m looking for the hottest one. (Die rolls) – I almost had a 19 but
instead I got a three. I have seven. – You see that it looks
like a lot of the pigeons already settled up. (laughs) You see that they say like, oh well, I don’t know, I have my date, I have my people set up, all
the people that I’m going with are all there. – I think I’m going to do a
sultry lean up against the wall and say, if anyone needs a
plus one (clears throat), I’m available. – Go ahead and make a persuasion check. – Oh dear. – Guys, I’ll just turn into
bugs so you guys are all– – I got a one. – We gotta impress– – Maybe I should try? (laughs) – You see that as you say that, you see the pigeons all go, all come over and say, do you have crumbs? – I’m sorry? – She doesn’t have crumbs, who needs her? – Darlings, I have so many crumbs and I take one of the
cinnamon rolls that I– – Oh! – Okay, stop throwing cinnamon
rolls around my apartment. – I follow suit. – I’m helping you clean, I’m helping you. – Take off my shirt. (laughs) And then I put some crumbs on my chest. (laughs) – Ricky! – Make a charisma check. – I’m watching that, I am shocked. – Make a charisma check with
advantage, if you’d be so kind. (die rolls) – Seventeen. (die rolls) And three, so 17 plus three so out of 20? – You see that there’s
one pigeon who says, oh this guy’s covered in crumbs, you can be my date anytime, mister. – Awesome, I’d love to go
to this wedding with you. Do you want to eat some crumbs off me? (laughs) – You see that she hops up
and begins to peck crumbs off of your chest. – I’m kind of jealous, I poke her. – Ow, ow. – I lean over and I’m like, I’ve been magical for 30 years, this is the craziest I’ve
ever seen in my entire life. – I’ve been studying men
for a really long time and I can’t stare at Ricky enough. (laughs) – I have guidance, I want to touch Sofia and try to seduce one, one more time. – Okay, what does that mean. – You get to add a D4 ability. – I’ll go for another one. Still here to be a plus one. (die rolls) – I added three to it. – Okay. It’s gonna be a 10. – Do you do anything
with the crumbs, or no? – Yeah I, I think I, oh I don’t want to put
them anywhere indecent. – I just throw crumbs all over her. – I think I’m gonna be
really polite with the crumbs and just put them in my, make a crumb trail all
the way up to my mouth. – You see one pigeon looks over and says, it’s a trick and then
they start walking away. – Oh my god, what is wrong with me? – Can I cast, is it a stupid waste to
cast suggestion on this? – You can totally cast
suggestion, go for it. – Yeah, I’m gonna cast suggestion on, just another pigeon. – [Man] Cool. – Let’s see. – The pigeon completely fails, it goes, huh? – I think my friend wants
to go to the wedding if you need a date. – You can come with me. You can be my plus one. – Oh my god, it worked. I was so charismatic, yes! – Anything you want Mr. Crumbs. I’m happy to help. (laughs) – Can I lean over and tell Kingston, seriously, people have
hit me up for this wedding so if you just wanna look like muscle, we can both go in there as dealers. – I mean I would much prefer
that to the idea that I’m walking in there with a
pigeon that I am possibly romantically entangled with. – I feel like, Kingston,
you can be my plus one. – All right. (laughs) – Why did no one else get that offer? – Hey, honestly, Misty, thank you so much. I appreciate it. – You’re so welcome. – I would have loved to see you in like street clothes though. – Yeah, I wouldn’t have liked it. This is much better. – You got a nice suit, right? – I do, of course I have a suit. – I’m gonna dress up really
great for this wedding. You’re gonna love it. – Okay. – I can lend you some cool clothes. – Real quick, can we do a quick, so everyone’s got a way to get in? Everyone’s got a pigeon date or a way in? – Do I have a pigeon date? – Cut Grass, I don’t think
you have a pigeon date. – Cut Grass, you’re in my– – I asked my pigeon, do I get a plus one? As your plus one, do I get a plus one? – Oh boy. (laughs) – I’m gonna cast guidance on
myself and try one more time to seduce a rat. (dice roll) Nine but if I can use nature, 13. – 13, you see that one
of the pigeons says– – We can just go as friends. – That’s gonna make me
look a little desperate, don’t you think? If I can’t a date to the wedding? – All right, we can go as– – Why don’t you just go in my handbag? – No, well, pigeon, do you wanna be dates? Do you wanna go as like? – Do you wanna be real dates? (laughs) – I’ll be a real date with you. – We can be a real date? – We can be a real date. – Oh gosh, I’ve thought about you a lot. – Oh no. – Yup, I’ve thought about you too. (laughs) – Is this conversation happening in a room with thousands of pigeons? – Thousands of pigeons. – All like, (makes flutter noise). – I’m super popular with visits. – I could be wrong about
this but I feel like maybe I’ve dealt drugs to these
people but I didn’t realize that they were pixies. – Yes. – I saw them, okay, cool, cool. So I’m good, yeah okay.
– Yes, you absolutely have dealt, yeah, you look back over your text history and you’re like, huh, some of this doesn’t make sense that I would have been okay with it. I have to leave the drugs
in a circle of mushrooms in a weird, you know, stuff like that. – [Peter] In like a birdhouse. – In like a birdhouse, yeah, exactly. Cool. So you see the pigeon says, wow, I guess dreams really do come true, huh? – They sure, you know
what, this is gonna be a– – You guys should kiss. – Sure. – Yeah, I think so too. – Get over here, Perry. I put my lips out. – You see that the bird
just inserts its closed beak into your pursed lips. – This is fine. – All right, none of that in my house. All of y’all pigeons. A broom is out. (laughs) Everybody out. – We’ll meet you guys at the venue. – Everybody out. Everybody get out of my house. – Does the pigeon leave your chest? – Yeah the pigeon does leave your chest. – I didn’t catch your name. (laughs) – Pigeon flies away. You see– (laughs) – Cut Grass don’t ever do that bull in my house again.
– I just got us in to the wedding. – Well next time tell me, we’ll go on the roof.
– You should be thanking me. – I have a roof. I have roof access. (laughs) This does not–
– That’s so cool. – Thank you, Pete. This does not need to
happen in my living room. – All right, all right. – It is a disaster zone in here of just feathers and debris. – I’m already helping to clean up. – This is fine. – I’m like spraying counters with like– – Pete it’s fine, I’ll call somebody. – I’m pretending to
help but I’m just like– – Right, everybody stop wasting they time. Can I call a cleaner friend of mine? – Yeah absolutely. – I can’t tell the way
things are supposed to look. I’m just like, this is fine. (laughs) – There’s a woman who lives
on the block who comes ’cause you have such a crazy
schedule and you’ve been working with her, she’s great. – Great. – You see that you get a
little text back from her being like, nothing’s going to jump out
or scare me this time, is it? – No, just too many feathers. (laughs) – You see there’s a little ellipses and then a question mark and then it says, better not to ask. ‘Cause the text you get. – Yeah, with a bunch of H’s. (laughs) – Cool. That evening rolls around. You guys head off to Central Park. What do you guys, do you guys do any preparation
before you guys head there or what do you guys do? – I hit up Conway’s for some discount padded bras. (laughs) and whatnot and I squeeze myself into
something provocative. – Awesome, great. – I guess I would like a little suit. I guess I’d buy a suit off a doll. (laughs) I ask Sofie to buy a doll suit for me. Like a dummy, ventriloquist dummy suit. – And you look really good. Like it’s like– – Fits well, like it’s tailored to me. (laughs) – Wonderful. – I think I go and get supplies and stuff. – Cool, rad. Do you head to Seven to do
that or just your own supplies? – Yeah, I feel like Seven
and I have a spot that’s like a karaoke bar at night but during the day we go and do like
inventory and that’s where we keep everything stashed. – Rad, very cool.
– [Peter] So I go there. – Cool, you meet up
with Seven very briefly. Seven’s got like long side burns. He’s like a rail thin, thick eye-browed guy. He’s one of these very
high strung New York acidic nerds, just very nerdy about stuff. He meets you up at this old karaoke bar. (exhales) Hey there. – Hey.
– How’s it going, pal? – Good man, how are you? – What happened with the home situation, girlfriend kick you out? (exhales) No, it’s stupid. She thought I was still on drugs. – So you’ve been made? – Hm? – So what you’re telling
me is you’ve been made. – No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. No one knows anything. (exhales) – Okay, what we are doing here is we are tapping into a market that has an incredible demand and not enough supply. – Okay so what I need is multiple eight balls for tonight. – I can do that for you but
what I have to understand is do you have the vision for
the organization in mind? Are you going to be a company man? Do you have what it takes? (exhales) For example, have you upgraded to bitcoin yet? – No, okay. I don’t do crypto-currency. I don’t wanna go to one
of those cafes with you. – I could have you set up in 20 minutes and your money is making money for you. – The coins that you’re
investing in sound made up, okay? I’m not trying to waste my money. – Money is made up by
the government, dude. – Okay. – It’s a fiat currency. I don’t need to talk about
this with you right now. Okay, how many eight balls do you need? – (groans) Give me as many as we have. – All right. You see he digs out an enormous amount of drugs, hands them to you. You see he says, look, honest to god prediction, I read trends. I am on my computer all day, every day working this out. In the next five to 10 years,
the United States of America will not have currency, fact. – You are usually right about. All right, I hand him $800 in cash. I’m like, can you invest this for me? (exhales) – Do you want me to take this
and go buy bitcoin for you? – Mm hm. – I want you to set it up yourself. I want an organization– – I don’t know, I looked it up. You have to get a wallet or something. I don’t want my name on anything here. – You see he takes $800
and says, all right. I’m going to invest this. You’re not going to regret it, all right? – [Peter] Right. – The future is happening now which means that now already happened and if you’re too asleep to realize it, you need to wake up. – I’m adding his name to a
note in my phone of people who owe me money and people
that I have to step out to. – Awesome. You get the drugs, you head out. Anyone else preparing or doing anything? – I have a sad moment where
I’m going through my closet and there’s a tuxedo from my wedding and I push past it slowly and then just grab a white shirt and a black tie and just, a little aftershave. – Maybe, am I, do I come back there at the end of this sad moment. (laughs) – She just catches me standing
in my closet just like, oh! – You good to go man? – Yeah, let’s do it. Are you good to go? – I’m great man. – [Kingston] Okay, great. – Thanks for letting me stay here again. – Of course man. – [Peter] You’ve been great. – You need a toothbrush
or something, you good? – No, I’m good, actually, yeah. – Okay great. – Well I also go to a
Sephora and use free make up. (laughs) ‘Cause I don’t want to go home. – [Man] You guys arrive in Central Park. Snow has actually started to melt a little bit more today. You know even though New York stays colder in the winter, the snow often just melts. It’s not below freezing. So you’re in the lovely ramble. A little bit less of it now
that all the leaves have fallen off the trees but the thick trees intertwine away from the lake. You guys arrive upon each
other in your nice duds and you see that there is a
clearing through the trees where it appears that pigeons are beginning to descend. (wings flutter) – All right, let’s go pick up our dates. (laughs) – Yeah you three have fun
fucking a pigeon tonight. (laughs) – I take Cut aside and I give him a corsage I picked up for
him to give to his date. – I don’t actually want to this pigeon. – You seemed like you had
a really good connection. – Perry and I are friends. (laughs) He’s a pigeon, I’m a rat. – I know, I’m just saying. – I text Esther, just in case you hear about this, I am going to a wedding with a pigeon. You know, just thought
I should let you know. – I’m reading over his shoulder. – Immediate text back, why would I need to know this? – Never mind. (laughs) – I offer my arm to Misty and I think we head off. We’re not– – You’re so much taller than me. I’m like maybe up to your elbow. I’m like holding your arm it’s like– – I take out a selfie
stick and just look like I’m a tourist like taking
pictures in the park so that I can stay in
one area for a long time. – I think that we’re all
just getting together for a group photo. – It’s just you and me in all my photos. – I’m in there too. – You see that two pigeons land on each of your shoulders. Your dates land and Cut Grass, you as well. A little pigeon lands there. – Takes a selfie, oh that’s cute. – She says, wow you look beautiful. – You look great too, Perry. – Oh good. Big day. – Big day, Ronald
Pigeon’s getting married. My life sucks so much ass. (laughs) – You walk through the ramble, walk through the ramble. You arrive at an old, not a doorway but it’s just
an area where two trees, two birch trees grow side by side and in a little arch, two of
their branches intermingle and ivy has grown up in between them. You guys are walking in here sort of, you know, I assume that Kingston
and Misty are going ahead. As Misty approaches, you see that the leaves
of the vines begin to shimmer and twinkle and part showing a separate part of the park beyond what you saw as
you were approaching and you see a beautiful
wedding tent in a clearing and little lights everywhere that you see, the lights are themselves,
sprites and pixies and fairies and a small fairy glen opens to you. You see that there is a big buffet table, there’s a band playing. You see the band is like a
couple of working musicians. It’s like a bunch of satyrs and fawns. You see that there are some dryads over in a corner that are smoking and you see that there is a giant ogre that has a huge tray of hors d’ouvres. Many of the sprites and
pixies are like on the tray hanging out as they’re
eating hors d’ouvres. Huge tent and you see that there is a smaller area which is
a little kind of like hunting lodge. That has a bunch of pixies
that appear to be in very nice suits, some of them pinstripe and the lodge has an open door
but also some entrances that are pure pixie sized. Maybe an old Central Park
grounds keeper’s cottage that has been renovated and
is now held by the pixies. That seems to be where a lot of the family is. While more of the guests
and pigeons are in the tent and out on the lawn. You see that there’s some
lawn darts, some bocce ball. People are just having a great time here. It looks like the ceremony
hasn’t started yet. You guys enter, what do you guys do as
you enter the wedding? – I say, so loud, oh what a beautiful wedding. Oh, oh, oh, I love a wedding. (laughs) – What? – Everybody pay attention to me. I love a wedding. – You see that the band
quiets down for a second and one of the satyrs looks over and goes, well, well, well, well, well. If it isn’t.. You see he shrugs his head and he says, you recognize this guy, his name is Priapus. – Priapus, oh my, my darling I haven’t seen you since, oh what was that show that we did together you were in the pit for? – A Midnight Cabaret. Downtown.
– Oh. Midnight Cabaret. You know, I love doing Broadway but
there’s something about the visceral nature of
the cabaret, you know, you can see the people,
the people can see you. You can touch them and smell them. Steal their food. – I’m not gonna lie. You look good. – Oh darling, you look good. – No, I’m attracted to you. I’m sexually attracted to you. – Darling I’m sexually
attracted to you too. (laughs) – [Peter] He was really straightforward. – You see he says, any chance we can get you up
on that bandstand later tonight after you had a few drinks? – After I’ve had a few
drinks, you know me. I love to perform, I love my people. I love my audience. – I would bed you on the grass right now. – You know, I’m a little busy
right now and I do have some things to do but you know, maybe later. – I’m possessed with
the spirit of the wild and there things that are happening to me. – Hi, I’m Kingston. (laughs) Nice to meet you. I’m Kingston, I’m Misty’s date. – Oh okay. – We’re just friends. – Gotcha. – But also if you– – If you wanna jump in?
– [Misty] Feel like having any kind of– – I’m sorry, what? – If you wanna jump in.
– Yeah, if you wanna jump in? – Misty, I’m a take a walk. I’ll be right back. You and your friend can– – Oh that’s fine. I have been trying to
that man for 40 years. (laughs) – He says, oh he’s hard to get, huh? – Whoo! – We’ll get the wine flowing
and we’ll see what happens. – Us theater people, we just have a different code, you know? – This is the thing, Exactly, we’re artists. It’s New York. – It’s New York. – I have every member of my band. – Great. – Do these people have a lust spell cast? Should we check him? – Oh well you see, he’s a satyr, he is a spirit of lust and revelry.
– Oh okay. I know these guys are horny. (laughs) – Wonderful, what do
the rest of you guys do at this lovely wedding? – I walk around just for snacks. Just to see if they have any
little plates going around. – You see that there is another
ogre who’s kind of dressed. The ogres are the caterers. They’re just kind of tossing bird seed out to a bunch of the pigeons. (laughs) You see that the pixies are
all looking at these pigeons (laughs) very nonplussed and unimpressed. – [Man] Okay. – It’s like they’re not in to it. – I try a handful of birdseed. – Yeah, I want to talk to, I guess I’ll talk to my date. Hey Perry, how do the pixies feel about the pigeons? – Huh? Well it’s love I guess. I think they love us, right? – They love you? – Maybe. – [Cut Grass] Oh okay. – I don’t know. – Jesus Christ. – That was a hard question. – It was a hard question. – It’s okay. You’re fine. I think– – Whoa! – Excuse me. – Wait. – Let me go get you some birdseed. – Okay. – You stay right here. – I’m in love with you. – I walk away. (laughs) Absolutely me. – I think I, is there a door person or like? – Yeah, there’s an ogre over
by the door you can talk to. He’s kind of dressed up. You see the ogre, the ogre goes, who are you? How’s it goin’? – Hey, good. – You the plug? – Yeah, yeah so if anyone talks to you, you know, find me, I’ll be around and then I just kind of go around like talking to bartenders and stuff. – Cool, you see he says, hey if you wanna drop a ball over by the food tent, go for it and you see that he throws a
bunch of cash in your hands. You look at it. This is ancient British
pounds from the 1700s. – Hey, this, no, I need– – What, this is what they
use in New York, right? – No, no. It’s dollars. I show him for example, this. – Oh I just got here from a Fairie, man. – You’re killing me. All right, I’ll leave
something back there. – Okay. – I’ll leave something back there. – I appreciate it. – If anyone hits you
up, you hear rumblings, tell them you know where I am. – All right, god save the
king, man, you got it. You see that– – Can I ask, talk to one of the ogres? – Yeah. – Hey, is it, I don’t know that much
about this kind of stuff but is it normal for a
pigeon to marry a pixie? – You see that the judge ogre sees us. Hey man, I don’t know, I just work here. You want some beef wellington? – Yeah. (laughs) – He’s trying to get at those macros. (laughs) – I’m like, I don’t have enough napkins. I’m just, my hands are gross. (laughs) – Peeling off the pastry
’cause it’s too much carbs. – Can I grab, can I walk up to Cut Grass and Misty and kind of gesture to the
hunting lodge and be like, feels like whatever we need
to get done is in there. – Do we think Ronald
Pigeon might be in danger? – I mean– – ‘Cause these pixies do not seem happy. – I mean look, nobody’s happy at a wedding. (laughs) – What is your sad life, Misty? – No, I’m not saying that
weddings can’t be joyous but joy and happiness
are not the same thing and there will always be
people who are miserable. Weddings have their own kind of magic. You know that’s why people who
shouldn’t always at a wedding or suddenly the fight that you’ve been meaning to have for the last five years, suddenly you’re having it in
the middle of the dance floor. It’s a strange, magical place and you just have to go with it. – I think the mob is up to something. – Yeah I agree, yeah. But I mean I don’t know, I feel like, do you have a relationship
with Don Confetti? – I have a relationship with Don Confetti. He’s, as I said, a sweet man. He will kill you but he’s a sweet man. So I can go and talk to him, absolutely. – Could you make introductions
for us or something? – Yeah you guys walk up. Who all’s going to the lodge with Misty? – I’m not because seeing
this wedding is bringing back memories so I grabbed a champagne flute and entered the first closet I could find. – Hey, hey guys, I just thought of something. You ever see that movie, The Godfather? – Yeah. – Yes. – You know how they have
to do the favor to the, the Don has to do favors
for people on the day of his daughter’s wedding? – Yeah. – Is that a thing? – I think so. – In The Godfather it is. – But is it, it’s like
based on real stuff, right? – Well that’s based on human people. These are–
– I think, I don’t know. Magical pixies.
– It’s a really cool movie. So long. – Hey Ricky, do you have a Godfather
poster up in your room? – Yeah. – [Peter] Cool. – How about a Scarface poster? You got Scarface poster up in your room?
– Yeah I got both of them. – That’s sick man. – Those are my two posters. (laughs) – The door at the hunting
lodge opens as you approach and Misty you look inside, you see that it smells so good, there’s
so much food in here. There’s pixies everywhere. There’s also griggs and sprites and other little types of fairies. You see that on a countertop sitting, you know those
little pizza tables, the little plastic pizza things. You see that sitting at one of those, smoking a cigar, is a very old pixie in a pinstripe suit, weathered face, fedora hat, rings on his fingers. The gravitas of this tiny little man, again about that tall. Pulls the cigar from his
mouth, looks over and goes, well, well, well. If it isn’t Misty Moore. – Donnie darling you look fabulous. – So, I see you brought
some acquaintances here. I didn’t know I gave a plus
five on your invitation. – I don’t have a plus
five, I have a plus one and these other people– – We’re guests of the pigeons. – I’m kind of walking off on
my own to drop off the ball where I was supposed to. (laughs) – I’m watching from the closet
where I’m drinking by myself. – This food smells amazing. Did you bring it all the way from Fairie? – You see he looks and says, what? No, this is from Fat Sal’s. – Oh, I love Fat Sal’s. – It’s great. I think much like yourself, Ms. Moore, I haven’t been to Fairie in some time. You know it’s a real hard time getting all the way back there especially from places like here. – It’s a hard time and maybe
there’s some people there that I don’t want to see. – Oh is that so? – Well you know. – That’s real funny to me. Let me ask you a question, I heard you doin’ a new play. Who you playin’ in the play? – Oh you know, it’s, just a queen. – Yeah, that’s what I thought. Tell me, let me ask you, let me ask you a question here if I can. Does Tatanya know? – What a beautiful wedding. It’s really, is your daughter, I mean she’s probably getting, I’m so honored that you invited me. – My daughter, she fell
in love with a bird. – Love is love. I fell in love with a
bird once back in 1783 but really was a fleeting affair. I thought it was love but
really it was just sex. – The only bird I ever
loved is a bird I killed when a crow tried to eat my babies. – So you love? – I love that he was dead. (laughs) – You did not like the bird that your daughter’s marrying? – Who, Ronald Pigeon?
– [Cut] Ronald Pigeon. He’s a good pigeon. – He makes my daughter
happy, what can I say. Listen, you people, come here to my favorite glade, middle of Central Park. You come in here in the middle
of my little pizza table. – Is that the little
center thing on the pizza that you’re sitting with? – What is it you people want, huh? – We’re here to celebrate. – Well then celebrate away, be my guest. Mangia, this food is for you. All you fine people. I shall be here until the ceremony begins. I hope you enjoy yourselves. – Well we did have a question. – Kingston Brown from uptown, huh? – Hello Don.
– Your reputation– – What? – [Don] Your reputation precedes you. – Oh as does yours. – I hope it does because I am the mastermind behind
all the tiny little crimes that happen in New York City. (laughs) – And the tiny crimes are abundant. – Oh by the way, I did lose an earring a couple weeks ago. I don’t know if, I’m not accusing you guys
of anything but I don’t know if you found it on your travels, did you? – Who’s to say. Certainly not me. Those things which become
lost in New York only some portion end up in the pixie’s coffers. Although we do well for
ourselves, I won’t lie. Most of these days I’m
an honest businessman. – Yes, just like I’m an
honest Broadway star. (laughs) – Yeah, well, we gotta
feed the fire, right? – Gotta feed the fire. – Santa’s sleigh. – Yeah, what happened
to Santa, do you know? – I’m assuming you were aware. – I heard about it, seems like some pixies got the wrong idea, huh? – Can I do an insight check on him? – Yeah go for it. – Also make an insight check. (dice roll) – 16. – [Kingston] Less than 16. – Add 24. – 12. – Misty, he knows. – He knows. – [Man] He knows. You see he says, looks like two acquaintances of ours, two boys that had done a little bit of trouble in the past got a bright idea. Went rogue, acted on their own. They’re in police custody now. Pinky and Twinkle. But they were not made men. Not friends of the family. Looks they might be going
away for a long time. I for one am acting in full cooperation with law enforcement. As I should. – Now, I don’t want to worry you but it seemed to me that there was something
more than just pixie dust. – Oh?
– Maybe a little hellfire as well. – Am I being asked these
questions on behalf of any state or legal entities? – I’m a, (whispers) actual rat man. I can’t really speak to the police. – I’m not speaking for
the fire department. (laughs) – [Cut] There’s this
ultimate narc standing there. – You see he says and if
there’s no official capacity then I think I have business to conduct. Please avail yourselves
to the hors d’ouvres. Have a good time at the wedding. – You see that some pixies go
to usher you guys back out. You’re hidden in the closet. Actually, give me a stealth check. – Well, what I would like to do, okay. I’ll give you a stealth check. (die rolls) I got a not one. – The closet opens. – No. – And you see your brother,
Mario looking right at you. – Mario what the are you doing here? – Sofie, what the are you doing here? – No, I asked you first. What are you doing here? – What do you see right now? – I see Central Park at its finest and a Toyota Camry, what about you? – Sofie, funny running in to you, I’m
just running some errands. I’ll tell you about it when I get home. I gotta go. You see he grabs a bag off a counter, looks over at Don Confetti,
who doesn’t look at him and heads out. – Whoa. Mario, I’ll chase him. – You run out after him. You see he says, Sof, funny running in
to you here at the park. I gotta head out, I’ll talk
to you later, all right? – What are you doing with Don Confetti? – You can’t see it? – Yeah, I was feeding you before. – You see he looks at you and says, look, let’s talk about
this later, all right? It’s dangerous here. I’ll talk to you at home, okay? – What’s in the bag? – None of your business,
that’s what’s in the bag. – I think it’s my business. You and I share blood. – He turns to run. As he turns to run, you feel the flask full of water from Bethesda fountain get burning hot in your pocket. – I don’t wanna use that. – Actually it’s just burning your skin. It’s just hurting you. – Okay, I’ll just chase after him then. – Cool, go for it. – Make an athletics check. – Okay. (die rolls) It’s gonna be 25. – Hell yeah, you grab him, boom, into the wedding he goes. – I want to like, backpack him and then pull him back in. – Yeah, you backpack him, you pull him back in. You see he turns around,
looks at you and says, The you doin’? – Show me what’s in the bag. – I can’t show you what’s in the bag. Look, I will tell you everything. Just talk to me later. Don’t pull me down,
these people will take, they’ll come after Ma. – Okay, okay. I don’t know if you’re abusing
Ma’s name right now but okay. – He gets up, says, come to the house later, we’ll talk. – Okay, we better.
– [Man] He takes off. He takes off, the flask is now, you can feel your skin is
actually starting to burn. – Okay, I hold it with a, find some piece of cloth to hold it with. – You hold it with some
cloth, yeah you see that it’s getting red hot. – I guess I, I don’t know what to do, I
guess I’ll just drink it. (laughs) Jesus Christ. – As you lift it up,
getting closer to the thing, your flask bursts open and
the water goes everywhere. It looks like the water
inside the flask was boiling. – What the– – These guys come out of the cottage. You guys are ushered–
– Does it feel like it was from seeing Mario that
my flask started boiling? – No, unrelated. It feels like something.. (gasps) – Oh can I– – Something’s going wrong with M. Something’s going wrong with the angel of the Bethesda fountain. – What? – I guess I run and I find you guys. Guys, I have a flask from the angel of the Bethesda fountain and it started boiling. I’m worried that something’s
wrong with the water. – How far is the Bethesda
fountain from the ramble? Pretty close, right? – Right next to it. – Okay, yeah, run to it. – I guess I’ll run and check it out. – You guys take off from there, rushing as fast as you can. You arrive at Bethesda fountain to see people looking around,
a little bit confused but it doesn’t seem like
anything weird is happening. The statue of the angel
is gone from the fountain. – I guess I’ll just get
into the fountain and start looking for it. – Anyone can make an investigate or a nature check if they want. – Yeah make some kind of check. – I think I have a card for it but do I have to text good and evil? – I only got a seven.
– Yes you do. – I got 24. – That’s, wait no, I have protection. – [Man] 24 on investigate? – Mm hm. – It’s not hard, you see that there’s clear scrapes in the stone. Something dragged this thing out of here towards a section of row
with a manhole cover in it. – Okay I’m gonna smash my
champagne flute and then be like, actually that was premature,
let’s just go down the manhole. (laughs) – What did you get on your nature check?
– Can I see that? – I only got a 7. – Cool. – I got a 19 on my investigate check. – 19 on your investigate? You don’t detect any fay anything here. Wait, you’re casting detect good and evil? – I thought I had it,
I don’t see the card. – Oh you have divine sense. – Yeah. – You just cast divine sense. – Yeah. – You do not detect any
celestial or infernal. You detect the faintest
little whiff of undead but then it’s gone a second later. – I’m at the manhole trying to– – Yeah I’m there too, I’m helping you. – Yeah, you guys open
the manhole cover up. You guys clambered down real quick. – Clambered down. – Yeah. Cut Grass, where the, where are we? – I don’t know, are there tracks as to, ’cause it was dragged? – You see scrapes on the wall. You can easily see scrapes on the wall. Clearly the statue was somehow
removed from the fountain and dragged down into the sewers. – Can I see if there’s any bugs or cockroaches or anything down here? – Make a nature check. – Or like rats. – [Man] Yeah. (die rolls) – Six. – Not that you can see, no, actually– – Can I do a nature check just in case? – [Man] Yeah do a nature check. – 18. – 18. (laughs) You see, you’re looking around very closely for those creatures that would be here. You notice something which is, you stop, you actually hear in the distance. (makes squeaking sound) And you, now that you’re
not looking for it, you hear it too. You hear a chittering noise. You hear the rats speaking in a
way you’ve never heard rats speak before. My brothers, my brothers, the hour at hand, the clarion trumpets call. Let fly the flags of war. The drums beat, the trumpets play. The king has returned, the king, the king. – Oh is this the rat king,
this guy is such a douche bag. He doesn’t know, this guy’s not the real rat king. This guy sucks. – Do I detect any more, how is the– – You detect no, there’s no
infernal, celestial or undead down here. – Can we see anything or this is all just hearing at this point? – Sorry, you do detect a
trail of celestial magic. You see a trail of celestial
magic left by the angel as clear as light. – What the does a rat king– – Follow me. (laughs) (chatter) – Yeah. – You guys take off running. You’re heading, you hear the chittering
chattering all around you. At once, at once the bed is ring. The day of men is over. – Don’t follow the rat king, he’s a dope. – A day of rats now comes. Burn the dogs. Cheese for all. – To us is Cut Grass just screaming? – Screaming and rat chittering. – Cut Grass shut the up. – [Sofie] He does this. He does this.
– Shh. – You guys vault through
the swords going through from place to place. You guys see this big steel
door you have to open. You’re in this giant cistern beneath the Central Park reservoir. As you walk into the space, you hear a voice of many rats speaking as one. (mumbles) (laughs) Oh you are too late. For the rat king of the
sewers now has his day and I have been gifted by gride. She shall be a queen to me, a queen to the tee, ha. A day of rats, one and all. – You can’t marry a statue you freak. This rat king sucks, he’s
not the real rat king. – Try and stop me, brigand. I shall marry the rat queen at once. – All right we need to do
this for the good of the rats. – Boom, the door shuts. I’m gonna need you all
to roll initiatives. (laughs) (dice roll) – This is our fight. – And that’s where we’re gonna stop. For this episode of the un-sleeping city, tune in next time for a
game of kings and queens. – Gross, so gross. (laughs) – Dice. Guys, that’s all for this
chapter of Dimension 20 but wait, more full episodes call out to you from the realms beyond dropout dot tv. Will you come to their aid and sign up for your free trial today. – I open up my med bracelet
and take my anti-psychotics, my Adderrall, my testosterone. (laughs) Remembering that I haven’t
taken my meds today.

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10 thoughts on “Our D&D Crew Crashes a Pigeon Wedding | The Unsleeping City

  1. Brennan. MAKE A MASTERCLASS, I personally love DnD and I don't know how you make such good games. Make me a good DM T.T

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